Wednesday, May 2, 2012

On Waiting and Husband

You can tell I'm still waiting, *ever* so patiently, because I would be shouting am impending phone conversation from the rooftops.  Because, as nervous as a conference call makes me, and as anxious as I'll be before our match meeting, if the doctor clears me, which is what I'm waiting on now, in my mind, we're as good as matched. Once we clear this hurdle, the only thing that can stand in the way of making this a MATCH is if we don't see eye-to-eye on important issues, in which case I won't feel like it's as big of a loss as if some doctor's office thinks I'm not the perfect baby-making machine.  Because I am.  :-)  But I do know my records are in their hands now, so that's what we're waiting for at this minute.  Lots of love to my fellow surros who have kept such wonderful blogs preparing me for the massive waiting game that is surrogacy.
Something that makes me a tiny bit uncomfortable reading about in other surros' blogs (besides the progesterone shots) is how 100% behind the whole process their husband are (if applicable).  This is not to say that Tony isn't supportive.  He is.  Of just about everything I do.  We have this ridiculously open and codependent relationship.  We talk about most everything, even our silly private thoughts that should probably never be spoken aloud, and we rarely choose to spend our free time apart.  If we're not on the same page of a subject to begin with, it usually doesn't take to much to get there (you can all stop gagging now). So when I brought up surrogacy and he didn't immediately jump in the bandwagon, I was a little thrown. So we talked about it. And talked about it. We talked some more. He talked with his mom. And his dad. And step-mom. We talked again. I told him that, while this is something I really want to do, he is paramount. He says no and we're done. Pretty much any point up until contacts, he has veto power. And he said yes, go for it. But he's still scared. Of what? Anything. Everything. He's a worrier (I am not. I think it is a ridiculous pastime; even more useless than the Kardashians.). But he says he refuses to let fear run his life, so he supports me in my surro journey, and will be by my side every step of the way, even giving this needle-phobe her shots. But, on days when he's a bit grumpy (he said he was PMSing), this can lead to him being a little less than enthusiastic about things, which happened last Wednesday when I got P and M's profile (and, in his defense, he was properly enthused earlier in the day, but I guess, after he got home from his 12 hour shift, his cartwheels weren't perky enough for me or something) which led to a nice long heart-to-heart, where he reminded me he's still trying, but he's not there yet, and I reminded him I would call this whole thing off in a second, if he said the word. He didn't. So here we be, same as before.
Yes, I am talking him into it a bit, but I've recently been reminded this isn't the first time, and my record is pretty stellar. Tony is a worrier who hates change, so if it was up to him, we'd still be living in sin, somewhere else, with no pets or exchange students. Strangely enough, we'd have children, though. That's one I never had to convince him of. I read an old journal entry yesterday about waiting for Tony to propose. I was in mental agony, afraid it would never happen, regardless of the fact that it was practically love at first sight. He didn't want to get married. His first wife had burned him bad, and he was terrified. I wanted nothing more in the whole world than to symbolically prove I'd be spending the rest of my life with this man, and he was scared of saying the words. So I talked him into it. It took several months of convincing, and a lot of anguish on my side, sure it would never happen (Why did I care so much? I don't know. Since about two weeks after meeting him, I never doubted the depth or persistence of his love for me, but for some reason, this ceremony was *so* important to me.), but we finally got married (a little over a year after we met; if I'd have had my way, it would have only been days later). Six amazingly happy years ago this month. And that wasn't the last big decision I've had to talk him into that he's been ultimately thrilled with. So, despite my unease about his unease, I'm coming to realize that this can and will all go fantastically, like us getting married or getting exchange students. I have an amazing track record of being right, and Tony is great at listening to me. Eventually.  :-D

1 comment:

  1. I think as long as you include him along the way in everything he will become as invested as you. That is how my husband was. It's easy to think this is just our thing, but really the husbands have to sacrifice and support a lot also. Good luck with the medical clearning! I remember how worried I was about it:)