Decision incoming in 5...4...

The director of my agency emailed me yesterday to let me know she met with a single IF this past week, from the Bay Area, just an hour or two away, and she should have his profile for me early next week. 

Originally, I chose not to see the profile of single men, and I have thought a lot about it since then.  I think a lot of that was me projecting; I can't imagine raising our kids without my husband to lean on.  Yes, as a stay-at-home-mom, I do a large percentage of the day-to-day stuff, but most seconds of the day I'm looking forward to him being home.  And he happily jumps right into the kid-wrangling as soon as he walks in the door (as if the kids and I give him any choice).  And, admittedly, we are very codependent.  We prefer to spend just about all of our free time together.  So, no, I wouldn't want to do this (any of this, this life thing) without my crazy amazing partner.

But, ya know, that's me, I've come to realize.  Not everyone wants or needs that.  Maybe they just haven't met "The One" yet, or, maybe, like my mom, they were born to be parents, but not partners.  My patents have been divorced since I was in second grade, and I think everyone would agree it was about damn time.  Since then,  my mom has briefly dated for approximately one short period of time.  Otherwise, she has been more than happy to spend her time and energy almost solely on her children, and now her grandchildren.  On the rare occasions she goes out, she always gets hit on, even now, so it's not a lack of options that keeps her single, she's just happier this way.  She very much prefers things her way, and has no desire to compromise that or to spend her time any differently than she does now.  And let me tell you, she's done an amazing job raising 3 children on her own.  *Maybe* she was (is) a little overprotective, but I count myself lucky everyday that she's my mom, and I have never wished for things to be any different.

So, why was I, of all people, hesitant to work with a single person?  I'm living proof that children of single parents can grow up to be freakin' awesome.  When it was mentioned to me that the profile of a single man might become available soon, I really started ruminating on these thoughts, and I've decided that if someone wants a child this dearly, I'm not the partner police.  I will be happy to help create a family, even if it's a little smaller than I had originally envisioned because I know, from personal experience, the child would be no less loved than a child of two parents.

So, I'm really excited about seeing D's profile in the next few days.  He's a local IF, which is what I've been waiting for, so very patiently, the past few weeks. Now, of course, I don't know D yet, and we could have nothing in common (I'm hoping that's not the case), but I'm hoping that seeing his profile, a local profile, will give me the confidence and comfort to make a decision one way or another.  Maybe this will make me realize that I really do feel a connection to B, my last international profile. Or maybe I'll realize I just need to wait some more.  I'm really keeping my fingers crossed against that option. I really do want to get this adventure started, but I don't want that to push me into any decisions.

Hope to have a positive decision sometime this week!